Just a few more days and it's one week down for May.
My plan to work on
my proposal seems only good on paper. I've never even gone past the
first step! I've been side-tracked with a lot of things last April ---
the testimonial program, faculty hiring, DEVC 190, etc. But now that
I've more free time, I need to really buckle down to work and finish my
proposal before the month ends. I might actually have to produce a
proposal a bit earlier if I'd be called by a panel at OVCI regarding my
renewal. For sure, they'd be looking for my proposal.
I seem to
have all that I need to start working --- an iBook, a variety of good
references and recent studies, fast internet connection, and, of
course, financial support provided by the college. But there is one big
problem, just when I thought twas only time that was my problem. I
actually have more time now. But I lack the most important thing ---
MOTIVATION.
Potah with a CAPITAL P!!!
Yes. I'm jealous of
people who already have their master's degree. I'm even more jealous of
those who actually finished their graduate degrees in a short time
compared to my outstanding 7 years of study, to think that I've only
settled for the minimum 30 units. But none of these seem to burn my ass
and push me to bury my nose in my piles of references that are already
gathering dust in one corner in our house.
This pile is not even the complete set yet!
What makes it more
tragic is that I've actually helped a lot of people with their research
to graduate this year. Two ingrates from another planet and five
undergraduates! Imagine that! It really makes me want to cry why I
can't help myself, but I can extend so much to others. Come to think of
it, they can't help me anyway. Hehe. Maybe, they've drained my energy
to think. Hehe. Lame excuse still. I wish I should have gone full-time!
People take note of my experience! Go full-time! It's the only way if
you really want to enrich your knowledge and enjoy the scholarly
experience at a swifter pace.
I pray that my Miranda Priestly
will be able to sense that I need to be free from any distractions so I
could finally put an end to my agonizing MS journey. I've carried on
too many responsibilities that have put me off from doing my own
research. I just want to break free.
Right now also, I'm trying
to recall how I was able to breeze through my undergraduate studies.
I'm trying to put myself again in that time when I only cared about was
doing my best to finish my degree.
May I be able to see enlightenment in the next few hours.
I'm desperate.
c'mon harold, you can do it. all grad students go through that phase, and you'll pick up the motivation along the way. stop thinking about the alien ingrates you helped, because they're just weighing you down with regrets and jealousy. 
